Makes Sense or Batshit Crazy?

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay ​

How can I implement this in my writing?

https://rules.house.gov/sites/democrats.rules.house.gov/files/BILLS-117hresPIH-hres5.pdf
Read the rules on the link, I added a short quote here:
"​In clause 8(c)(3) of rule XXIII, gendered terms, such as “father, mother, son, daughter, brother, sister, uncle, aunt, first cousin, nephew, niece, husband, wife, father-in-law, mother-in-law, son-in-law, daughter-in-law, brother-in-law, sister-in-law, stepfather, stepmother, stepson, stepdaughter, stepbrother, stepsister, half brother, half sister, grandson, or granddaughter, he, she, her, him” will be removed.
In their place, terms such as “parent, child, sibling, parent’s sibling, first cousin, sibling’s child, spouse, parent-in-law, child-in-law, sibling-in-law, stepparent, stepchild, stepsibling, half-sibling, or grandchild, them” will be used, instead."

Authors help me out here!

Image by Lukas Bieri from Pixabay ​

I dare you to rewrite this short story
​by following the new rules

For now, I'm totally baffled.
I wrote this short piece as a writing exercise and tried my very best to rewrite it by following the new rules. I gave up after two sentences because if I implement the rules, my writing makes no sense.
Can you rewrite this short story by implementing the new rules?
Add the rewritten story in comments, or send it to me in CONTACT
If your version makes sense, I will admit that you're a far better writer than I am, and I will update this post with your story.
 
​"Mom, my head is ready to explode!" Kati huffed as she glanced at her mother-in-law. "We've been working on this five-generations-together Thanksgiving dinner seating arrangement for hours, and we're getting nowhere. And your son refuses to help." 
"I know, dear! That big chicken wants to stay out of this." Nancy sighed. "Let's see. Your father and my husban are like oil and water. If we put those two buffoons next to each other, they would start bickering by the time the appetizers are served.
"My father is a hotheaded boar, I know, but my father-in-law is no pussycat either." Kati laughed, feeling frustrated.
"Nope, and your aunt and my first husband just got divorced, so we can't let them close to each other either."
"What about my sister and your daughter? My sister, after three years mind you, is still mad at me because I chose my sister-in-law as my maid of honor. They're still not talking to each other."
"That would be the least of my worries," Nancy let out a nervous laugh. "I want both my mother and stepmother to be at the dinner, but don't mistake my mom for a nice old lady. I'm sure my stepmother would end up with gravy all over her head and clothes."
"So, how many people exactly from your side of the family would you invite?" Kati asked nervously.
"Well, my parents and step parents, my three sisters with their husbands, and altogether four sons and six daughters, plus two grandsons and four granddaughters. And then my two brothers with their families, and my three stepsisters with their families."
Kati was in deep thoughts for a minute, and then her eyes lit up. "You know what, let's call everyone and tell them to send us family pictures. I can photoshop the pictures into one big, happy family photo."
"Oh, my! The best idea I've heard all day! Let's have a margarita and we'll call everyone."

My feeble attempt at rewriting the story

​"Parent of my spouse, my head is ready to explode!" Kati huffed as she glanced at the person. "We've been working on this five-generations-together Thanksgiving dinner seating arrangement for hours, and we're getting nowhere. And your offspring refuses to help." 
"I know, dear! That big chicken wants to stay out of this." Nancy sighed. "Let's see. Your parent and my spouse are like oil and water. If we put those two buffoons next to each other, they would start bickering by the time the appetizers are served.
"My parent is a hotheaded boar, I know, but my parent-in-law is no pussycat either." Kati laughed, feeling frustrated.
"Nope, and your sibling and my first spouse just got divorced, so we can't let them close to each other either."
"What about my sibling and your child? My sibling, after three years mind you, is still mad at me because I chose my sibling-in-law as my maid of honor. They're still not talking to each other."
"That would be the least of my worries," Nancy let out a nervous laugh. "I want both my parent and stepparent to be at the dinner, but don't mistake my parent for a nice old person. I'm sure my stepparent would end up with gravy all over their head and clothes."
"So, how many people exactly from your side of the family would you invite?" Kati asked nervously.
"Well, my parents and stepparents, my three siblings with their spouses, and altogether six children, plus sic grandchildren. And then my two siblings with their families, and my three stepsiblings with their families."
Kati was in deep thoughts for a minute, "You know what, let's call everyone and tell them to send us family pictures. I can photoshop the pictures into one big, happy family photo."
"Oh, my! The best idea I've heard all day! Let's have a margarita and we'll call everyone."

Update

Huey P. Newsom rewrote my little story following the new rules.
How does it sound to you?
Although he did a great job using the words that according to the new rules are "allowed", to me, it sounds utterly confusing, and I have no clue which family members are mentioned in the sentences.
Let's face it folks, the English language, as it is, is not cut out for this. Gender related words make our meaning clear and precise.
If, I'm just saying if, not that I'm planning to do it, if I would rewrite any of my books changing gender related words to gender neutral words, my readers would think I had lost my mind, and I bet they would never pick up any of my other books to read. Honestly!  

Rewritten by Huey P. Newsom

​"Root of my spouse, my head is ready to explode!" Kati huffed, glancing at a parent-in-law. "We've been working on this five-generations-together Thanksgiving dinner seating arrangement for hours, and we're getting nowhere. And your heir refuses to help."
"I know, dear! That big chicken wants to stay out of this." Nancy sighed. "Let's see. Your originator and my spouse are like oil and water. If we put those two buffoons next to each other, they would start bickering by the time the appetizers are served.
"My parent is a hotheaded boar, I know, but my parent-in-law is no pussycat either." Kati laughed, feeling frustrated.
"Nope, and your cousin’s parental unit and my first partner just got divorced, so we can't let them close to each other either."
"What about my sibling and your child? My sibling, after three years mind you, is still mad at me because I chose my sibling-in-law as my person of honor. They're still not talking to each other."
"That would be the least of my worries," Nancy let out a nervous laugh. "I want both my parent and step parent to be at the dinner, but don't mistake my parent for a nice old petticoat. I'm sure my step parent would end up with gravy all over its head and clothes."
"So, how many people exactly from your side of the family would you invite?" Kati asked nervously.
"Well, my parents and step relatives, my three relations with their companions, and altogether four descendants and six offspring, plus two grandsprings and four grandsprouts. And then my two kinpersons with their families, and my three stepbloods with their families."
Kati was in deep thoughts for a minute, and then the eyes lit up. "You know what, let's call everyone and tell them to send us family pictures. I can photoshop the pictures into one big, happy family photo."
"Oh, my! The best idea I've heard all day! Let's have a margarita and we'll call everyone."